loving you feels…: cat + kristen

We’re at 5/6 today with Loving you feels… Can you believe it? Where are the days goin’?


Loving you feels… like Cat + Kristen.

And I’m so honored to introduce you to the wives.

The two moved into the house in front of ours’ last year, and so we share a yard together. The Unity Yard, as we’ve now named it.

When our landlord wrote us an intro email to each other, she talked about Cat and her wife, and so I just started referring to the gals as the wives before they’d even moved in or we’d gotten to meet them. (They’ve since made reference to us as ‘the straights’, which feels accurate.) 

We laugh so much with these two and love them so dearly. We sit out in the Unity Yard for hours on end and talk and imbibe and Post Mates Indian food. We feel so lucky that they’re our neighbors and friends, and we feel so inspired by their love and commitment to each other.

They’ve been married for over 2 years now, and have been creating a show called Happy Wife, Happy Life, so they’re basically about to be super famous and we hope they’ll still hang out with us when they are. They’re comedians, they’re actors, they’re activists and ladies who are hugely loyal to their families. Also, we really love their dogs. Jayden buys them treats so that they’ll scamper into our house whenever they see the door is open. Birdie + Grizz are precious to us!

Love feels a lot like Cat + Kristen. Wives, we love you. xo

Don’t forget to listen to this minute o’ their love…

I asked ’em to show me how they cuddle up on the couch when they watch TV… 

loving you feels…: sean + damian

Day 4, day 4! We’ve passed the halfway mark.

The texts and emails and messages y’all have been sending me has made my week.. but the thing I love most is how some of the couples have been letting me know that their families + communities are in mad-love with their photos and stories.

If you’re new here (welcome!) and have no idea what I’m talking about, start from the very beginning, here.

Today, loving you feels… like Sean + Damian.

We go way back with Sean, and getting to know Damian over the last year’n’a bit has been a delight. These gents are the loving, loyal, putting-good-into-the-world type, and they bring genuine sun into the lives of those that know them. (Sean is also a longstanding member of the Gay Men’s Chorus of LA and is a real triple-threat who can sing/dance/wear heels all at the same time. We go to their Christmas concert every year, and it is GOLD.)

Side note: no one loves Disney more than these two. No one.

Don’t forget to listen to their sound bite. It is deeper into the post today because the placement felt better there. You’ll see…

Here’s that audio clip I told you about…


S+D, so much love and respect. See you on the playa! xo

loving you feels…: jenn + paco

Well hey again, welcome to DAY 3 of Loving you feels…

If you haven’t already gotten to know Jamie + Dekoven and Ryan + Orie, then what are you waiting for?!

Today, loving you feels… like Paco + Jenn.

These two met when they were ten years old and they’ve been together for 17 years.

I mean, c’mon. Having a serious mic-drop / life goals moment here, are you?

They’re mamas to possibly the cutest pooch you’ll ever see. They’re both mad-creators, making magic here and here and here and everywhere they go. They’re karaoke’rs, they’re food-burners (same, tbh), they’re lovers of life, humans and especially each other. Jayden + I really love these two, and I’m so honored to introduce you to them today.

Don’t forget to listen to their sound bite from our time together… 

P+J, so much love. xo


loving you feels…: ryan + orie

Well, happy Friday and happy day 2 of LOVING YOU FEELS..!

The first time the idea of this series came to me was last year, when I was listening to my favorite podcast called On Being, and the guest was Dr. Mahzarin Banaji, psychologist and Harvard professor of Social Ethics.

Towards the end of the episode, Krista Tippett asks Dr. Banaji, “how do you construct your life, your environment? How do you move through the world differently having taken [the Implicit Association] test yourself, also having also not liked the results? Because of this science that you do, what actions do you take that turns that understanding into change?”

Dr. Banaji’s response is something I’ve thought of almost every day for a year…

“…the other thing that I do is to actually create inputs into my mind of my own making. I do think that in some ways our brains are simple and that they will believe that things are real even if they’re not. So, that’s what movies do. That’s what novels do for us. They — and so what if I have a series of 1,000 pictures that rotate through on my screen saver of people who come from many parts of the world that I will never, ever see or even think about. Look, just take an example close by. I have no idea what life for a farmer in Iowa is. I bet it’s hard. I bet I have no idea what they have to deal with. I don’t think I will ever truly understand.

But, right now, they’re a distant group in my mind. I live in Cambridge, Massachusetts, and I don’t think about farming and farmers. If my screen saver literally just points out the existence of such people and what their issues might be, I believe that my brain is going to begin to care at some level. And, if I show myself possibilities that don’t exist easily, that’s even better.

These are hopes, but I also — I don’t just say it’s a hope because I do know enough as a psychologist about learning and memory. And I know that we learn. How much of this I need to do in order to change, I cannot say. But I can say that there is a point at which this brain is not just elastic in moving to what is being suggested, but that it may be plastic in that it can be reset into a new mold.”

And so, this series was born. May ‘our brains begin to care’… xo

Loving you feels … like Ryan + Orie.

Ryan [AKA Waking Up With Ryanhas become a dear friend over the past 2.5 years, and getting to know Orie more recently has been a delight and joy. These two went to the same high school, and Ryan was dance friends with Orie’s sister back in the day, but love is often on its very own timeline, don’t you know.

We adore these gents past words, respect what they create in the world, and are incredibly inspired by the love that they share.

R+O, I love you. Thank you for letting me spend a bit of Orie’s birthday morning with you two in Malibu. xo

(don’t forget to listen to their audio clip from our time together!)

loving you feels…: jamie + dekoven

The past week in America has been especially heavy.

There is so much grief. So much hurt. So many ‘us vs. them’s. And endless words being shouted about who is right and who is wrong.

Making someone wrong will never draw them closer to me.. and so the days grow more pain and the cavern between the sides gets far more severe. What is one to do?

Yesterday, I posted “artists, my challenge to us: put down our phones and go make art. your art speaks more than the shouting ever could. what you will create can reach hearts, and make real change” and today I shared; “when the world becomes a massive mess with nobody at the helm, it’s time for artists to make their mark.” -joni mitchell

And so now this. My money-where-my-mouth-is moment. the Loving You Feels series.

I’ve been working on this project for awhile now. It has come from a place of realizing that love and the way love is portrayed has nothing to do with the way love actually looks in my life and around me.

Love is not just a white, hetero couple in their mid-20s… it is so, so many more things, and so many more feelings. Love around me is biracial, it is same sex.. it doesn’t fit into a category, and it doesn’t need to

I don’t need the love around me to look like my love in order for me to be impacted by it.

When I look at people around me in love, I feel love. The beautiful, painful, mountains-and-valleys that true love brings. The differences. The similarities. The cultures, the heritages; the things to be proud of and the things that may bring shame.

I’m honored to get to share a glimpse into the loves of 6 inspiring couples in mine and Jayden’s life that we get to call our friends.

Over the next 6 days, I’ll be posting snippets of their lives together through my perspective, and my most sincere hope is that you’re left with hope. Because Love does always win. However dark the night must get before the sun shines again, we know it is coming. And these beautiful faces and their stories and sounds are the rays that I turn to for inspiration, for comfort, for a reminder of how far we’ve come. 

Because things sure do feel dark right now.. but it is always darkest before the dawn.

Loving You Feels… like Jamie + Dekoven [ and Rain! ]

[Each post is going to have a little minute or two long audio clip… be sure to have a listen!]

J+D, thank you. I love you. xx